我不是我? I'm not me?

我来古晋大概有三个多月了。当初，我是带着很期待但很害怕，甚至与好奇的心情踏上这块“我从没来过土地”。那时的我，只想离开我的家乡，却没想过要去那里，反正离开就对了。很多朋友听了我的决定，大家都感到很好奇，为什么我会选择到一个既陌生又比较落后的地方，为什么不是邻国-新加坡。我想大概我已经厌倦了生活在繁忙的地方，想要追求新鲜感吧。其实我是在逃避。我想一个人生活，抛开以前不开心的一切，给自己一个重生的机会。直到现在，我还是很佩服当时的勇气。

最近，我发现我变了。我变得很悲观，不说话，每天唉声叹气。我想我一定使得了忧郁症。“哈哈，没酱严重吧” -朋友说。是的，当一个人长期间处于独自一个人的状态，会渐渐的收藏自己，慢慢地变得自卑。说话时都会打结起来。因为工作关系，我一个人呆在这寂寞的城市生活。连照镜子，我都觉得自己很陌生，似曾相识，却说不出什么。很悲哀吧？

我只是可以说，我没后悔当初选择来这里打工。我还需要多一点耐心和努力。

我想，是时候改变自己了...
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I've been at Kuching for 3 months. At that time, I was scared, awaited and even curious to reach this "land i never ever been before". For me, I just wish to leave my hometown, anywhere will be, I don't care. Many of my friends felt very curious of my decision to come over here, asking why I would rather choose a unfamiliar and underdeveloped place whereas i'm staying at KL, why not Singapore? May be I already fed up with the busy city where I've stay since Im born and im looking for something new and fresh. In fact, I wanna escape from the current of me. I wanna live alone, forget about all the sad experiences, and give myself a chance to reborn. Till now, i still feel proud with my courage.

Recently, i realised i've changed. I becoming very pessimistic, less talking, sighing everyday. I think i must be sick, being heavyhearted, depressed. My friend didn't believe me. Yup, a person will become inferior, keep everything to oneself while he being alone for too long. Eventually, you find yourself difficulty in talking. i've been staying alone at this quiet city for quite some time because of my job. Looking into the mirror, I'm a stranger to myself, looks familiar, but speechless. Isn't it so pathetic?

What I can say is... I feel not regret for my decision to come over here. I still need more time and patience.

I think... It's time for me to change...